The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
