I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
