Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
