Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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