I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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