I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
