need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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