Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
