Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
