Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
