I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
