My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
