I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
