drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
