is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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