Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
