she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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