he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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