Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
