He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
