were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The Olympian is in my bed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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