I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
