Im at strip club and am horny
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
