Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
