Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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