Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
