highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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