Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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