Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You ruined the universe
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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