i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
