It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
