Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i came on her dog
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want her autograph on my taint
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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