She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
