I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
