i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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