get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
