please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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