No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
