thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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