I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
