sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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