i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
