well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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