he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
