we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
