so that wasnt chicken after all
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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