i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's not cheating when I paid for it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
