The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
