Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
