When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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