Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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