the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
