yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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