when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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