Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So much rum. So many feels.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
