That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize