I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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