Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
