can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
