i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
