Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
