not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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