Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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